I mentioned Sunday in my message that more than half of marriages (even Christian marriages) end in divorce these days. Our prayer is to be a church that helps marriages thrive and prepares young adults for a healthy (not perfect) marriage. I also told you I’d be linking some resources this week that’ll help you in marriage as well as prepare for marriage. Here are some resources
The single most effective thing you can do to decrease your odds of divorce: Pray together. Check out this article from a non-Christian website. It’s amazing even the world sees the benefit of praying together. It’s almost like God knew how marriage should work. Here are some simple ways to begin praying together starting from low pressure to more intimate praying together.
Pray over meals together. It’s an easy low pressure start to a together prayer life.
Start talking about what you’re each praying for. List some things you’re both praying for together. I hope you’re journalling your prayer life.
Pray together over your children. Nothing should bring you together like your kids. Take turns praying together out loud over your kids. Maybe one night is mom’s night another is dad’s night to lead the family in prayer.
Get in the habit of praying together at bed time. This is the most private part of your marriage. It can also be awkward to start. However, this can be a game changer. You can’t pray together without dealing with issues and tension. This is why it’s such a powerful antidote to divorce.
Another reason most marriages fail is the husband and wife never saw a healthy marriage modeled in their family of origin. I’ve shared publicly I was raised by a single mother. I never witnessed a healthy husband/wife relationship as a child, at least not up close. What I did see were healthy couples at church. This helped in so many ways. If your family of origin lacks healthy models of marriage you need to get around some healthy couples. At our church we have numerous small groups focused on relationships led by couples who are honest about their past. In the New Testament the older men and women were encouraged to mentor the younger men and women. Who is helping you see the potential in your marriage? Doing life alone is unnecessary and really unhealthy. Find some marriage mentors. If you’re single find a couple that’s a generation ahead of you that models the type of marriage you hope to enjoy one day. Healthy marriages don’t just happen. They require effort and work over a lifetime.
When a marriage is in trouble, too often we pretend things are okay or worse, ignore the issues. At our church we share publicly that our pastors aren’t professional marriage counselors. We encourage people to reach out and meet with a pastor, but know that our pastors will refer them to a good Christian marriage counselor and even pay for the first session. It’s okay not to be okay, it’s not okay to stay that way. Find help.
Finally most marriages fail because they start with a shaky foundation. I’ll actually speak more on this next weekend at church. When Casie and I got married in 2006 we had pre-marital counseling, but it was weak at best. Today I expect any couple who’s wedding I’m going to officiate to complete a few weeks of work through a marriage work book with me. There are numerous resources, but my favorite is this one. You’ll notice I linked the workbook. The book is great too. However, the work required to answer the questions in the workbook (separate from your fiancee) are really good. They force you to consider your assumptions about marriage and your future spouse.
There’s so much more I could add, but for this week I’ll stop here. Praying you have a healthy, life-giving marriage.
Proverbs 18:22: He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
-Pastor Marc